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After 12 consecutive years at Burning Man I can honestly say that this has been the most powerful one yet for me. It’s interesting that decompression has come with a huge amount of wildfires and record breaking hurricanes the world over, while we are also in the middle of “Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.” This lands closer to home than usual, as a man decided to run into the fire last Saturday with thousands of people watching.
So as a writer and as a leader sometimes, I’m feeling the need to say something.
For starters, you are not alone.
I had many opportunities in the past month to stand witness to and be there for a lot of people as they shared what’s been happening for them. There is a general consensus of shit hitting the fan this past year, and it feels like it’s increasing.
I want to reach out and put a hand on each of your shoulders and remind you that you are loved.
There are people who care dearly about you.
There are people who can hold you in your struggle.
As the world leans into technology and away from face-to-face community, we have agreed to become islands and rocks. We’ve agreed to house our discomfort and pain on our own, more often than not.
I don’t believe that is serving anyone.
It may feel like a burden to share your heart with others when it’s not sunshine and rainbows. But bottling it up, retreating from your people, deciding it’s your weight to carry alone without giving others a chance to show up for you… That’s not working for you, it’s not working for them, and it’s sure as hell not doing the world any favors.
I believe in a collective consciousness. A team vibration that we are all impacting, that we are all a part of and that we are all impacted by. When we reach out for support, when we allow someone to show up for us, or at least to have a chance to be there, we are opening our hearts. (Even when it’s ugly. Even when it hurts.)
That opening is where the light shines through. That sharing is where the tribe has a chance to strengthen and rise.
We do this together.
And no, no one is getting out alive. And it’s hard as fuck to lose each other.
I honestly wish I could have taken that experience on for my brothers and sisters on the other side of the man burn last week. I’m fortunate to have a very different view of life and death and why it all happens. (Mainly that life continues and that we keep learning from our decisions even after we leave these bodies.) What I hate is that there are a lot of people who now have to process and overcome a traumatic event that they never should have been party to.
From what I understand, the runner was in a euphoric state, he wasn’t taking his own life from a place of sorrow. I don’t know why that should be a comfort but to me it is.
Yes, tragedy occurred. Yes, we wish it hadn’t. God, yes, those people did not need to witness it. But what can we take away from it all to make things better?
What would it take to make a few more personal calls this week?
What would it take to let your friends see you with your guard down and let them know what you’re going through?
What would it take to remind a stranger that they are here, that you see them, that they seem pretty okay to you?
The smallest things can make a difference.
To the problem solvers out there, don’t forget that sometimes the greatest gift you can give a person is simply your attention.
Most of the time, empathy and the basic act of listening is all a person needs. Not a solution. Not advice. Not your opinion, judgement, or a story to relate to them. Just an open ear and a moment of your time to connect. “I get it. I see you. I’m sorry it happened. I think you’re going to be okay.”
You could even ask the question outright, “What kind of support would you like from me right now?” And let the person decide how they want to be held/received.
I’ve witnessed incredible bravery in the last few weeks. People sharing their darkest wounds, their broken hearts, their greatest fears, and I’ve seen those around them rise like warriors to their side.
You are not alone. We have got you. Let us be there and we will rise to meet you.
If the world is going to continue getting crazier, (and please for fuck’s sake, let’s try to pay attention to our impact on the earth) the one thing we can definitely do is stand together.
Whatever we have to face, whatever falls apart, it will be easier with a friend by your side, helping to rebuild. Don’t take for granted the power of connection and don’t lose sight of the many people you already know, who would love to be there for you. I am happy to count myself among them.
